Report: MLS To Rename “Goals," “Touchdowns” To Appeal To American Demographic

NEW YORK- Don Garber, Commissioner of MLS,  announced yesterday that "goals" are now officially going to be called "touchdowns." Gone are the days of own goals. Now, there are own touchdowns. In the official address, Garber called for a league wide name change and for American Soccer fans to completely embrace the uniformity of the term "touchdown." 

Citing Donald Trump as one of his key inspirations, Garber mentioned that America needs patriotism and togetherness now more than ever. This comes in the wake of MLS making a big push to have Pabst Blue Ribbon be the official beer of the League. Only time will tell if these two strategies pay off for the fast-growing League. 

Extra Point: There will be no "extra points." 

-@thefatbackfour

Jeb BrovskyComment