7 Tips For Attending Your First MLS Match

BOSTON- With the rise of soccer here in the United States, it is fair to assume that you may be invited to a Major League Soccer match in the near future. TFBF has established 7 practical tips for enjoying your first experience.

  1. Tactical Parking- Be sure to park far away from the youth team tailgate unless you want a Kelme ball kicked through your rear window.
  2. Pose So Hard- Order a team jersey online and put YOUR name on the back with YOUR favorite number. It doesn't matter who the corresponding player is, you'll feel like a total badass and maybe even get picked by the coach to be in the first XI. A guy can dream, right?
  3. The Thirsty Games- Get completely inebriated in the parking lot and make sure you have your sober, sport-hating friend to drive you home. 
  4. Chameleon- Purchase tickets as close to the home supporters' group as possible. This will ensure that you aren't as easily detected for being erratic and sloshed.
  5. White Stripes- Stay attentive for the "Seven Nation Army" chant to begin and proceed to shout as loud as possible until your voice is as bereft of life as your dignity.
  6. No Hate- Refrain from saying anything homophobic, racial or sexist. Not only will it get you chastised by the supporters around you, it will get you a hefty three game suspension.
  7. Hasta Luego- Don't leave the game at the 80th minute if your team is down 2 or more goals. Every other person in the stadium will do that so just wait it out, enjoy your last beer and avoid traffic.

Additional Note: The head honcho of the "Ultras" or main supporters' group might look like a lowbrow savage but he's actually a kindhearted person.



Jeb BrovskyComment