7 Tips For Attending Your First MLS Match
BOSTON- With the rise of soccer here in the United States, it is fair to assume that you may be invited to a Major League Soccer match in the near future. TFBF has established 7 practical tips for enjoying your first experience.
- Tactical Parking- Be sure to park far away from the youth team tailgate unless you want a Kelme ball kicked through your rear window.
- Pose So Hard- Order a team jersey online and put YOUR name on the back with YOUR favorite number. It doesn't matter who the corresponding player is, you'll feel like a total badass and maybe even get picked by the coach to be in the first XI. A guy can dream, right?
- The Thirsty Games- Get completely inebriated in the parking lot and make sure you have your sober, sport-hating friend to drive you home.
- Chameleon- Purchase tickets as close to the home supporters' group as possible. This will ensure that you aren't as easily detected for being erratic and sloshed.
- White Stripes- Stay attentive for the "Seven Nation Army" chant to begin and proceed to shout as loud as possible until your voice is as bereft of life as your dignity.
- No Hate- Refrain from saying anything homophobic, racial or sexist. Not only will it get you chastised by the supporters around you, it will get you a hefty three game suspension.
- Hasta Luego- Don't leave the game at the 80th minute if your team is down 2 or more goals. Every other person in the stadium will do that so just wait it out, enjoy your last beer and avoid traffic.
Additional Note: The head honcho of the "Ultras" or main supporters' group might look like a lowbrow savage but he's actually a kindhearted person.