Mississippi High School Coach Gets Raise After Developing British Accent

MISSISSIPPI- Steve Turner is embarking on his 7th consecutive year as head coach of the Eagle Valley Falcons in Jackson, Mississippi. Under Turner, the Falcons have produced rather modest results, finishing each season in the bottom half of the standings. However, a recent trip to Manchester, England has changed Coach Turner and his career for the better.

Upon returning to the States, Turner incorporated a new British accent to his coaching regimen and has already seen the tactic pay dividends. This past week, Eagle Valley signed Turner to a new 5-year contract with a substantial raise. Turner says, quite frankly, he owes his recent success to the ignorance and naivety of the American soccer fan. 

Turner went on to explain, "These parents don't even to listen to what I'm saying anymore. I could tell their kids to 'go run around that cone and have a bloody go at goal' and they will just eat it up. I also found that a couple of 'bollocks' and 'rubbish' thrown in there really goes a long way with this crowd."

Additional note: Coach Turner is currently up for consideration for many NASL/MLS head coaching jobs despite not having any coaching licenses. The British accent is the key to the door of success in American soccer.